Why is it so hard to put ourselves out there? Is it the fear of judgement from our peers or is it the fear of the vast unknown?
I know from my own experiences I always think twice when I post a photo on Instagram or post something on Facebook as that is where my “friends” are, the people that would judge me the most. I know most would say if they are truly your friends then they would not judge you. Unfortunately, we live in a world filled with negativity and everyone has his or her insecurities.
Being told a number of times that I should not care what others think of me has not helped with dealing with the insecure feeling I have when putting myself out there. I have come to accept that I have a heart and I care too much, what others think of me. This is a social anxiety that most people deal with on a daily basis stems from being in a social situation or interaction. For example public speaking or performing in front of an audience but not limited to these situations. Some struggle with the simple act of having a conversation. I believe that everyone suffers from social anxiety but to what extent depends on the person and the situation. Could I sit and hold a conversation with my best friend? I would expect that I would be able to do that with ease but if you asked me to stand in front of 15,000 people and give an hour-long speech; I would think before I am even close to standing in front of that audience I would have a panic attack and struggle to breathe.
As I have said before only two members of my family and one friend, know about this blog. I am happy for people that I don’t know to read my blog but the idea of someone I know even if I don’t know them well reading something that I find very personal and close to my heart freaks me out. I know my blog is still very new and I am still developing it but I feel self-conscious about my writing. I find myself having the same feeling as if someone asked me how much I weigh. I find myself feeling uncomfortable with the idea of someone who knows me really well or knows of me reading something I have written and as a result changing his or her view of me in a negative way. It helps a little that it is online and you would need to actively search for it to be able to read it.
I am slowly accepting that I have no control over what others think of me but their opinions do not matter as long as I am happy and my family are proud of me and that is all I should care for. I am sure by the end of the year I would have stopped caring as much for what others think of me and until then I will continue on my journey into adulthood and dealing with the everyday struggles of growing up into a strong woman.
I would love to hear your feedback.
Talk Soon, Sarah x